Lies to Tell Your MIL, Volume 1: “You’re SO right, a church wedding is so meaningful.”
A Wildest Dreams Guide to Saying No (Nicely) to Tradition
So you told your MIL you’re still “weighing your options” when it comes to venues… but the truth is, you’ve already chosen the mossy forest grove at sunset. Or the local brewery. Or the tip top of a parking garage in the rain. And honestly? Good. Because this wedding is about your story—not what anyone else thinks it should be.
The truth is: tradition might have its place. But so does personal meaning. And just because your MIL envisions you walking down the same aisle of the same church she did in 1981 doesn’t mean you have to. Your ceremony space sets the tone for your whole day. Whether it’s under a canopy of trees, in a funky warehouse, or beneath string lights and a disco ball—it should reflect you. Not someone else’s nostalgia.
There might be a few shocked reactions at first. A handful of raised eyebrows, especially from older family members. But once everyone’s sipping cocktails under the stars or wrapped in cozy blankets for your mountain-top vows, they’ll come around. Trust.
How to tell your fam jam you’re planning a nontraditional wedding
From an alternative wedding photographer who has spent YEARS photographing nontraditional elopements. Rob & I got you. – Jensen
From an alternative wedding photographer who has spent YEARS photographing nontraditional elopements. Rob & I got you. – Jensen
1. Lead with the heart
Tell them why this location matters to you. It’s hard for people to argue when they hear how much it means to you to do things differently:
- “It’s where we camped on our first trip together.”
- “It’s where we had our first date.”
- “They’re brewing us a custom beer.”
- “It just feels more us—laid-back, outdoorsy, and personal.”
- “We want it to feel like the best hangout we’ve ever hosted.”
- “Our dog can actually be there (and you love Maple!)”
2. Involve them where it makes sense
- Can they do a reading?
- Help with florals?
- Pick out a shawl for chilly guests?
3. Tell her the dog will be in a tux
No joke: this diffuses tension about 80% of the time. Use the dog as the excuse, always.
A heart-to-heart from Jensen:
Your wedding should be 100% authentically YOU, and no one can take that away. Although it can seem impossible to not listen to the external voices and follow your heart, doing exactly that will make you the happiest at the end of the day. I can’t tell you how many times couples have caved and still talk about how much they regret not just doing it their way YEARS afterwards.
If the voices feel like they’re getting to be too much, take some time to silence them. Put your phone on mute. Tell everyone they need to go through your wedding planner. Take a date night with your partner and remind yourself why you’re doing this (it’s because of you and them, BTW).
Your wedding doesn’t need to be a carbon copy of anyone else’s dreams. Let your MIL have her memories—while you go make your own in a location that feels like home to you both. Bonus points if it has forest sprites, disco balls, or that one perfect tree that makes your photographer scream with joy (it’s me, I will scream with joy).
And if you need a late night wedding pep talk, I got you.
Love, Jensen (Rob approves this message)
